Financial Intimacy was something we never knew our marriage needed. When we decided to get serious about our finances we had no idea the benefits it would bring to our marriage!
There were the obvious benefits that motivated us to protect our marriage. Less stress, fewer arguments and the freedom to travel more. What we didn’t know was that working together toward a our goal would help our marriage thrive! Only later did we realize we were creating financial intimacy in our marriage.
What Couples Need to Know About Getting Financial Intimacy
While it may be easy to view your personal finances as a simple math problem that needs solving. (Especially for you analytical types.) A lot more goes into financial decision making than just dollars and cents. This is even more true when you manage money as a couple.
Your relationship with your spouse and with money influences your financial strategy.
Most couples understand that budgeting, paying off debts, and saving money for a rainy day – sets their marriage up for success. They know it can reduce pesky arguments about what you can or can’t afford and keeps financial stress at bay.
But what most couples don’t know is working together helps them build more than their Net Worth.
Navigating challenges does more for a marriage than having more money. It brings you together and deepens your relationship. These relationship skills make it easier to get through other future challenges.
What is Financial Intimacy?
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness, emotional connection and support from your partner. Financial Intimacy is taking all those factors into account, through a financial lens. How you manage money as a couple brings you closer together. Both you and your partner feel financially supported, and emotionally secure.
Key Elements of Financial Intimacy
Communication
Effective communication about money is critical to any long term relationship. Being able to express thoughts and feelings, without judgement or ridicule is critical. This is the first step to working well together and learning to understand your spouse.
Understanding
It’s important to meet your spouse with openness and curiosity. Work to understand their views, values and concerns about money. Especially when it comes to their financial past and potential past mis-steps.
Respect
Respecting your spouse’s ideas, needs, wants and values nurtures an environment of collaboration. Ask for their opinion. Learn about their needs and wants. This establishes good will and nurtures an environment of collaboration. We found that our best ideas are “our” best ideas. If we didn’t take the time to hear each other out, we would be less successful.
How to Improve Financial Intimacy
Here are a few things you can do to improve financial intimacy and manage money as a team.
Budget Together
While it’s tempting to divide and conquer the financial chores. It’s important that you and your spouse work together to manage day-to-day spending. By building a budget together, you invite them to the conversation. This helps them feel heard, respected and that their input is appreciated. Budgeting together also increases the accuracy of the budget and odds of sticking to it.
Schedule Money Dates
Make talking about money a regular habit, by scheduling money dates to check in. This is an opportunity to track expenses, review, and make any necessary changes to the budget. Money Dates are also a great time to check in on goals and plan that week’s date night!
Learn Your Spouse’s Money Story
You and your husband or wife grew up with two different financial backgrounds. These differences influence how we manage money today! Learning your spouse’s money story helps you understand their financial decisions. You will gain answers to the common question “why did you do that?” plus a deeper understanding of their fears, needs and dreams!
Discuss Financial Needs and Values
How you use money comes down to two things: what you need and what you value. So talk to your spouse about their beliefs and values around money. This insight will help both of you find ways to support the other and improve the way you work together.
Build Trust by Following Through
Doing what you said you would do builds trust and increases financial intimacy. So stick to the budget and take action on the things you said you would. When your spouse knows they can rely on you, they will naturally be drawn closer. Giving you more opportunities to connect and improve the relationship in other ways.
Is Financial Intimacy Necessary?
Without financial intimacy, we don’t think we would have reached our financial goals. Now, as Financial Coaches for Couples, it’s obvious how necessary financial intimacy is in a relationship.
Building wealth as a couple is more than numbers in a spreadsheet. When you’re married, it’s about using your financial resources to design a life together.
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This blog is based on an episode of the radmoney podcast on the same topic. Catch up on recent episodes of the radmoney finance podcast and make sure you never miss an episode by subscribing on Spotify – Apple or wherever you listen to podcasts!
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